A Reflection on Perspective
by Jessica Troy
As we read Baldwin’s words, we are learning about his perspective as a black man in America, viewing his world through his eyes. In class, I was interested to discuss the perspective of those who Baldwin interacted with. It had never occurred to me to look at literature in that way. I was particularly interested in the scene from Notes on a Native Son on pages 593-94. In this scene, which was also discussed in the documentary, Baldwin describes an experience he had as a young man in a diner. The young white waitress informed him that he wouldn’t be served, and he threw a glass of water at him in a fit of rage.
Baldwin remarks that he was overcome with something he had never felt before. This is perhaps the first time Baldwin realizes the hatred he carries in his own heart. We understand prejudice and that the motivation for it often comes from hate, but we cannot overcome prejudice without an understanding of all people, of their background and situation. We must look past our own hatred toward those who mistreat us, we must look to understand them, because without understanding we are perpetrators of a vicious cycle of the mistreatment of others.
I am interested in exploring the perspective of the young woman who’s unfortunate duty it was to inform Mr. Baldwin that the restaurant would not be serving him because of the color of his skin. She is tired, she has a waitressing job that she cannot afford to lose, her manager doesn't really speak to his staff, he barks orders at them from the bar. Today is particularly bad, and he shouts particularly loudly at her when a black man enters and seats himself in her section. She is a non-confrontational person. She really wishes she could just serve him and be done with it, but her manager is glaring, and he’ll be shouting again before she knows it. She is scared. She doesn’t want to offend anyone, she doesn’t want the man to yell at her, she doesn’t want to cause a scene.
The man pretends he didn’t hear her. She can feel her manager’s beady eyes on the back of her neck. She takes one step closer, she repeats herself, using the kindest voice she possibly can. She tenses, hoping for the best. But the man, in the blink of an eye, is hurling a glass of water at her. She ducks just in time. She is terrified, and angry. It’s not her fault she can’t serve him.
We all experience prejudice in our lives, and in class we wrote an experience where we felt prejudiced against, and what we could imagine the aggressor was feeling at the time. I shared an experience I had with a girl who lived in my apartment at college last year. She is a black woman, and I am a white woman. She and I, and some other friends were sitting around one night at the beginning of the year. We didn’t know each other very well. A friend had mentioned a man who I had dated briefly the previous spring. That man was black. The girl I lived with asked if he was cute, and I showed her a few photos that had been posted to my Facebook page. She began to berate and tease me, saying crude things like “Once you go black, you never go back,” asking why I felt like I deserved a black man, what I had done to run out of white boys, and telling me that if I kept it up, I would have a black baby in one to five years.
I was horrified at the time, but in class, looking back on the event, I was almost amused. As I thought about her perspective, I nearly pitied her. I imagine her fueled by jealousy. I hate to seem boastful, but I am more confident with men, more outgoing and have more dating experience than she did. I understand her jealousy, but at the time was enraged at her implication that I didn’t deserve to date a person based on the color of their skin. Thinking about her feelings and motivations helped me realize how we as a society look at race in relationships. I have a better understanding now of her feelings and while they do not help us move forward in our lives, my understanding helps me grow as an individual, personally and in my relationships with others.
